yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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