would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
