literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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