Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
