She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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