Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
