well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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