the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
