4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
