had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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