wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
