just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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