i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize