Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
