I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
