woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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