I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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