I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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