I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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