we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
