Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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