She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
