That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
