she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
