if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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