P.S. I can't hear my feet
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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