Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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