Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
