im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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