I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
