Umm I'm too high to move.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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