My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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