Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
