I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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