Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
