i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
