i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
