This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
