He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
