just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
