I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
