if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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