Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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