From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
