Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
