I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
