He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
