I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
