I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
