he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
