the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
