I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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