dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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