just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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