he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
