do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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