dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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