i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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