it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
