pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
