every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
