Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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