Got a toothbrush?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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