so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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