yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
