nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've blown a few things in my day
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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